Running short on morphine

Adrienne Rich: "I regret all the women I have not slept with or comforted, who pulled themselves away from me for lack of something I had not the courage to fight for, for us, our life, our planet, our city, our meat and potatoes, our love."

Fighting battles alone

It's been a month now since I was given this new role in my team and everyday has been challenging. Everyday I am being made fun of because I got the job at this 'young' age and they are associating every tiny detail I do with my new role.

Sucks  bigtime.

I realized that now I have fewer friends. All the while I thought this new role would bring me redemption or at least prove that I am doing things right. I hope they give me 2-3 years before they kick me out. I just want to fix this team, make sure it's up and running, and commit them for the long haul.

They have to let me do my job, right?

Where do I gear up?

Indecent obsession

Whenever I look you up, there's always that feeling we are doing the same things but in different places. Like we're both reading Adrienne Rich over our morning coffee, or late at night on 99 bottles of beer, with a somber Bill Callahan in the background.

It's cosmic, I tell you.

I don't understand why we are not friends. The forces of the universe will never find time for you and I to meet.

What I talk about when I talk about running

I play your stories and my thoughts keep chasing you. Lapsing through the shadows of time. And inside my head its an endless marathon. I'm tired but I can't stop myself. Running back then turning myself around to assure that I am still moving forward.


Tragedy falls on the fool who gets left behind.


The farther I move away from the past the anxiety becomes bigger. I never liked burning bridges, but it seems it's what I do best. I never had any intention of burning them. I never had any intention of burning you. But it didn't seem like you are bothered that we haven't talked in a year.


Wish we could start talking again. But I am leaving you in peace. Wherever you maybe I am happy that you're able to live as you wish.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

You can't keep staring out the window

Wisdom reigns like water from heaven to below.

Crush my earth, seeds sow, garden start to grow.

You know you've got to rise, though you like to flow.

You can't keep staring out the window.

Earth, water, wind, fire we stay low while getting higher.

Spark igniter, fighting tired

Stay wired, enlighten loads.

Stay alive, weep wail chant, cry, let out a sigh

Energized, give out my last dime, life shouldn't pass me by.

Rise, to the occasion.

Keep these hearts all blazin.

Build your life on a river of wax.

There's a striking image in my head of a woman drinking water running in the canal. I saw her from afar on my way home several nights ago. And I just watched her. She's there, I am here: sitting on a tricycle, moving past her, farther and farther away.


How could those lips touch the dirty murky water? How could those lips be so thirsty that it had no other choice but to drink from the canal? She was even poised enough to use a broken plastic cup in scooping water.


Looking back I should have gone down the trike and bought water from a convenience store.


Maybe I don't have the courage to act on impulse.

And i dont know if doing it just serves for self satisfaction.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Daily dose of hormones

If only I could work for this girl, but I think it would be too fun and vain.




There are no reruns to life.




I couldn't find this song on mp3.

Everyday is Like Sunday

05.13.2012

Title is a tribute to Morrissey because today is his concert here in Manila and I couldn't help but feel a bit bummed that I won't get to watch it. (Tickets are expensive, starting at 3k). 

As his song goes, everyday is like sunday, share some greased tea with me. I like waking up early when it's sunday, while the streets are still quiet, and there's time on my hands to do nothing. Day of rest before the noise of a busy week comes in. Plus nobody is demanding anything from me. It's meant to be serene and stress-free. 

Teptep, my sister, agreed to come share this Sunday with me. We went around Legazpi market to get some rare food finds (Ilocos empanada, Indonesian food, buko juice) and buy some sweet nothings for moms we know. Stopped by Romulo cafe for dessert and mall for my sister's make-up shopping. 

Pure honey at Legazpi Market

Pinoy Nachos at Romulo cafe

Ordered mocktails to quench the summer heat

Dome cake that's too much for both of us

Golden egg

First part of Salvador Dali's documentary: Impressions of Upper Mongolia

This is how it started

During one of my tranquil summers.

Tonight I feel half asleep 

In some sort of sweet reverie,

Still very uncommon though, because my brain seems to be

Completely submerged in a kind of half-sickening melancholy.

I can't tell if it's the moonlight or the dawn,

but in my mind everything is blurred

and an irresistible laziness pushes me up slowly

towards my studio.

I think I'll be going to sleep very early.

Then suddenly at the door's entrance,

I see my everyday objects,

and all of a sudden I see a little postcard,

one of my adolescent obsessions. 

Why not find something in there demonic;

if I could manage to transform it,

so that this dying moonlight

could become one of my violent images

my paranoid brain could ever provoke.

Where I live, the bells

are always a bad omen.

I decide to set

the postcard, enlarged, at the far end of a chapel,

it will be some sort of unusual exorcisme.

Watch the magic here: 

Salute the sun and start the day

It's that perfect piece of advice that sets your positive vibes in motion. Saw it in an online campaign. 


Recent beach trips with different crowds. Baler, Batangas, Bolinao. All wonderful and interesting.

Rude awakening

04/11/2012

There's this piece of news that has been keeping me up all night. A woman in her mid-50s dies after jumping from three stories. 


Information tells us that she was holding a kid before it moved away from her. Right now my head is spinning with all these conspiracy theories and I can't help but wonder what could be going on inside that woman's head.


Was this planned or impulsive? Was she trying to run away and forcing the kid to go with her? Was she so depressed that she couldn't tell anyone about her problems?


I've thought of suicide on more than a dozen occasions but I can't bring myself to actually do it. I know its sad but it takes a lot of guts to actually be hateful of everything you are seeing hearing tasting doing. I'm a romantic. Sometimes I am just in love with life. Whenever I hear stories like this I am drawn to depression. How come no one talked to her and made it stop?


There is only one life to live. Maybe she wants to rest already. I don't know


What happens when we die? If only my lolo gerry could tell me.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Hey Julie Tearjerky

02/21/2012

Got home after surprising julie at the airport. She is back. And I'm so happy to finally see her again. At the same time overwhelmed as if she came home to save me. Its been hard for me to tell her all the craziness that happened. Its a bit lonely without her around. She understands my bipolarness between ecstatic and reserved. There, there. She'd always say. We'll both cry, get angry, get drunk and stoned until we learn to let things be. It's good to see you. Everything strange feels like home again.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4