I draw myself near

Close enough to let somebody know the real me, rub myself off you, and let you see the parts nobody wants to see.

A cat came in my room and I was shrieking half to death for causing disturbance and taking me by surprise. The cat just welcomed herself in, trying to get a piece of comfort that I couldn't offer. It never attempted to hurt me but I couldn't learn to trust it so I ran away. I could never blame other people for not learning how to live with them. I could never blame why I am like this.

I guess I could never have your life. I could never be a part of it and there'd always be that invisible bubble that neither of us would poke. It depresses me to know this secret truth we share.

How do I go on from here?

Learning to fly

I am having trouble getting out of bed for the past few weeks. I admit that there wasn't any effort to motivate myself and get up and be on time.

I've also gone through a major embarrassing moment by exposing my feelings and admitting to jealousy.

I feel that there is nothing secure -my work, my home, my lovelife. I'm at a wit's end trying to control my feelings or my reaction to these changes. Pain could still strike you at moments you think you've fully recovered.

I'm still learning to let go and accept fully that nothing is permanent and everything could slip away. The most that I could do is think of now and worry less.

This means letting you be and not be affected by the rash actions you make to impress somebody or be everybody's boy toy. I should learn to be happy we don't have to be together all the time. You don't have to push my buttons, ask me blunt questions, I will learn to think less of you. Learn to heal. Carry on.