Maybe I just don't care

Searching you is hard. Why don't I see you? Where could you be? I thought I did, I thought it was you. I thought I could finally have my peace.

I am getting this sad feeling that I will never see you. You say you come in all sorts of sizes, tucked in the darkest corner or laying softly still, unnoticed but important. I don't want to give up on finding you but you you you make it so hard for me to find you. If there were signs or hints you've been dropping, I don't see it.

And I feel like giving up, going back to my old habits. I'm used to being a scrooge anyway...