What is love anyway

5 and 3 - numbers playing perfectly on my head. We fucked five times on the first night, three times on the last night. The person who loses is the person thinking too much about this. Maybe it is not much of a game to play. Risks were involved on both sides of the coin. I was told we have freedom to decide but our choices are ruled by emotions. So we always end up choosing the pain we can take and endure.

If I walk away from all this how long will it take me to turn around and run back? People never have a problem walking away and not look back. I have never been one of them. Who's to say change is soft enough to embrace? I'm weak enough to miss those who are never coming back. They always occupy my thoughts. 

I could only count that our stars align someday. And that our own selves would always be in good spirits when we meet again.

eclipses

                                          

I came back from Hongkong with my whole life falling into pieces and I've been trying to save it all throughout this week. In work I was trying to get to transfer a wire payment for my client but it got blocked under US authorities because they say my name is allegedly connected to a threatening business. then they are getting a new manager aside from me and even if they say its a great thing, I can't find myself to accept that things are changing fast. They say it doesn't have anything to do with me but it feels that they are taking away my freedom, the freedom to build Manila out of something and put it in a map.

Would things be different? I don't know what I could have done because even if I did everything to change my boss and boss' boss's minds, they are still pushing the idea.

and after work I don't have anything else. I would be given time which I don't really need. I am already a walking disaster, prone to make my life worse than it already is. 

my lovelife is going dowmhill, being caught in all these complicated hook-ups and getting attached to assholes. Asshole #1 - has a kid and live in gf asshole #2 - is 10 years older than I am and he plainly asked if I could sleep for the night.

Seems that I've come up with the perfect gameplan for failure.

Don't look back

I like you but I know it will never work out.

It never ever works out. I don't even know why I am thinking about it. There's nothing to think about. There's nothing to talk about. Tomorrow we are back to our own realities.

Wish you'd call me.

We'll be the best of friends

This week has been a little too much to handle. I hope we could make it work

a house of many rooms and all the secrets deep entombed within you

I didn't plan on falling in love with you. You are not my type. We don't have the same taste in music. We don't have the same taste in anything but I have gotten to know you because we simply coexist in the office. 

You have no idea the torture I have put myself into. Having to save you who didn't want to be saved but I ended up saving anyway because of my own selfish reasons--I still wanted us to hang out. So please stop bringing up how our future would be like. stop saying I'll be your bride how could you speak so casually about it.

we both know where I stand. I would never ever be your number one and only one. I'd never see what your room looks like. I'd never be part of anything in your life because this is where I am, this is where you placed me, and this is where I have to be. in between your woes and happiness. 

I know there is something more to this. More to getting stuck into this downward frenzy. You don't have to kill me with these white lies. Stop bothering me.Stop  messing with my head. Please.

I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind.

Dear Lord, it's the end of the world. I think I'm in love.

nothing sort of a jubilee

Will I ever get my big break and find out answers? I have been wondering all this time what truly matters and what is it I am fighting for.

I hope it won't be too late by then.