Still I fail

You have me around your fingers. Each time you get your way, you act like a dick.

Planning tomorrow

I think, I feel, I know I am done with you.

I am going to love myself more, I am not gonna allow you to fuck my soul again.

Wannabe

Some things should never grow old.

Death with Dignity

I realized that I haven't been reading much on the world this year and now that I chose this Friday night to do so had made me dwell of how much I hate myself. I read this article about death with dignity. I am in awe of people who are brave enough to choose death rather than death choosing them. For prophets and deeply religious people who chose death to fight for faith - for people who chose suicide rather than be mentally, emotionally, and physically imprisoned has somehow made me feel how much of a coward I am.

I don't have passion to pick death over life. I still have my anxiety of what will happen to me when I die. I cry when I hear people die.

In this day and age, passions are rooted over projecting what the self can do (selfies, food for the day, clothes for the day, drinks for the day) which is not necessarily something to hate but I could personally say that it also conjuncts with having more expression to pick on how other people express themselves.

I feel that I live in a mental war - where people need to project themselves or have a better or smart opinion on stuff. This year I exerted so much effort in raising my opinion at work so people would understand what we do and why we are doing with it - my loyalty to the role I play. Is this the right thing to fight for?

Unfortunately I keep forgetting the things that matter in life.

Nude

Dave Eggers musings

4 Minute Warning

I feel sick. Everybody has been sick last week. My world feels smaller and smaller. The year is coming to a close anyway.

Our high school reunion is coming up, it has been 10 years already. My stomach's tied up in knots just thinking of meeting old friends again and the usual exchanges of where are we now is making me feel nauseous. 

Still trying to find myself.

Come around

Today is my birthday. I chose to have a quiet and calm birthday. I felt like hibernating instead of partying. I didn't even plan what I should wear compared to my past birthdays where I usually try to find that one piece to wear to treat myself. Today I didn't do anything fancy but I sure felt rich and lucky to have friends and family who are more excited of my future. My true friends know I yearn to be free out there and play freely in the universe. Find my purpose. But how why when what are still big roadblocks.

My dad wants me to have more chances for travel and It feels sweet that he still looks out for me. I hope we will have more times to eat out.

My true friends wished for my heart's desires and I've learned this year how much I need to give and take love rightfully. It sucky that I learned it in a very bad way and even if this meant that I hd to be a good girl, clean my conscience, be less angry and hopefully find my inner peace and not burn bridges with people.

I guess it would take time. :) hopefully I still have time