Fact or fiction?

Today is the day i found out I'm dying. It was right before the sun showed up. It was probably the exact moment i was born. That roughly an hour has passed since this epiphany has come to ruin my day. I felt this lump in my throat. A lump i didnt notice before. Something you get from smoking. I knew i would be dying. I dont need to consult a doctor to distinguish this as mere paranoia. Is this bittersweet because im sitting here unable to sleep for fear of missing the hours and unable to wake up for fear that i would be using the hours. Its an inevitable madness.

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Inspira-day.

Today has been amazing, with the books and stories and ideas I've read. 
- I got lost in books I've been wanting to read. Currently reading - Ayn Rand, We the Living.
- Started carpet-making until mom realized that the hook is too big. No worries!
- I had a conversation with my sister about our future plans and we just went on daydreaming for around two hours.
- Looked up think tanks after reading Times and Fortune magazine. Institute for Policy Studies have interesting internships.
- Looked up Art/Design Schools - Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts 
- Meshing my visit to Singapore and my thirst for art/design. Hopefully I can find another place to go to and explore.
- Reading Blogs about Interior Design. I really wanted a course that focuses on light design. seriously. Could someone teach me.


To get me by, I read this on Bong Osorio's article:
*Be Better, not bitter.
*Find your story and tell it well. 
You have a number of good stories that bring out who you truly are. Discover those stories -- some of you may have been forgotten, ignored or overlooked. Unearth them and tell them well. You may seek help from someone who knows you well to provide dimensions and perspectives.
*Pursue success.
It is out there and you have to run after it. Sometimes you achieve it through sheer luck, which goes by fast and hits you. Travel the road less traveled. Get in luck's way.
*Keep moving and dancing.
Assume that each day there is more you can do to get enriched and harvest your gains. As one poet says, "Live the problems, and do not worry when they persist." The solution will surely be there to get you out of the rut. "Reach out and seize life," Thoreau invites. Dance the dance of life. Life is a marvel, lived in a flash. Savor it.

Manholes Opening Out of Nowhere

Life is a bit funny sometimes. Things could be going great for you and everyday is surely a breeze but a sudden turn of events could lure you into a fucking roadblock. If it's not you making the wrong turn, it's the road that's gonna fool you until you realize that the shitty crap you've been trying to avoid has found you.


This is the case of Lirio Salvador who was given a grant to study abroad but met an accident on December 30. He is still, as we speak, in intensive care unit. I've read the news on paper and read more on the Internet and feel all the sympathy for a talented artist whose bright future has ran out of power.


It's a terrible and worse situation to be in. It feels as though life has cheated you by someone else's recklessness. As much as I don't want to view this in the light of cause and effect, things like these are beyond control. 


There's probably so much going on his head right now, if there's no hatred felt for what has happened. I am greatly reminded of my favorite The Diving Bell and the Butterfly story and the huge effort needed for this tragedy to move forward to full recovery.


He made steel beautiful although I'm not even sure about the material. If I could become his apprentice and make art like this, I feel I'd be giving myself and the earth another chance to live again.


I send my prayers to this artist. Please get well soon.

You think your life is boring? Think again.

Martin Creed, on Work No.850: "Runners come and go, just as needed. They're all alone just as we are. In every moment that comes to an end, repetition is a comfort in a world that is chaotic and ever changing and crazy, so something that can be relied on as regular rhythm is comfort."

Wisdom for the underdog II

"However mean your life is, meet and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man's abode; the snow melts before its doors as early in the spring. Cultivate property like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Turn the old, return to them. Things do not change; we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul."

Wisdom for the underdog

Something I read on the newspaper a few months ago:

"Know what you want for yourself and have faith in it. If you don't, then take the time to rediscover the things about you. Don't be pressured by the illusion of time or be rattled by comparing yourself with others -- Life is not a race. Grab every opportunity that will make you learn and grow. Don't lose curiosity - this will open your doors to the unthinkable. Don't let fear take over your dreams. There is time for mistakes and risks, so better now than later. Hindsight is always 20/20. Now I know that you can do anything as long as you put your heart in it. Everything takes time, everything happens for a reason, everything changes. At 26, your problems may seem to be the be-all-and-end-all but they will heal. Problems are not permanent and no pain will stay for long. Above all, attitude is everything --it affects how you view matters and how you rise above difficulties. You always have a choice: whether to be pulled by the day's troubles or to be in the moment, enjoying the moment."

I am only 24 but this already speaks volumes to me, considering the current state I am in. This is the way to go.

Seriously. Our maid just got married.

I don't like being in weddings. I don't have a problem with the idea of being in love and getting married, but it's more of sitting in that entire event that I'm allergic to. It's easy to tell, I've never been to an intimate wedding. Most weddings I've been to end up boring me because I'm seated with people I don't get along with but I have to put with their endless small talk.

And there I was having that pre-conceived judgment on the 22nd of December, looking forward to finishing all levels of Unblock Me or nonstop Fruit Ninja, only to find out that I loved it.

Our househelper got married. I was asked to take pictures using my camera phone because none of them have one. It was sweet and simple. Everything they wore was borrowed and the most of the preparations were sponsored by friends.

Eden, cheerful and warm, couldn't help but cry during her speech because she wanted her parents to be there. Her only family at the wedding is the maid of honor, her sister. They wanted to get married but don't have the financial means to make it official. I think this has been one of the most humbling christmases I've had.

Too many roads

And its hard to choose. Why was I ever born with a free mind? Now its hard for me to decide because I can't stay put in one place.

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