Day 2 of my hair being short

I'm still not used to this new look but day 1 seemed to be getting shocking rave reviews. I decided to go straight edge with my hair because of a dozen reasons. One being that I want to let go of the stress I've been having and ugly situations I cannot control. Clearly, the direction where I am going is nowhere close to what I want. I'm getting frustrated day by day.

It took a truckload of willpower to put myself in that salon chair and watch that thing on your head get stuck on the plastic salon cape before they finally fall to the floor and get broomed to the trashbin. It's not that I was forcing myself but I was never adventurous with hair.

Terrifying but at the same time liberating.

I fell in love with the sound of an electric razor the minute it started showing off. Maybe it does takes some guts to think out of box or actually put myself out of that personality I have grown to.

Considering that the shortest cut I've had is similar to madeline's, as Mega puts it. It felt like detaching myself from people's perception of me and convince them that this new hair has been like this all along. They suddenly had no clue of how I looked yesterday.

Now I won't even bother if they liked it or not.

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It's not you, it's me

Ladies and gentleman, the problem society has today that is probably overlooked, is information overload.


Coming from someone who loves to study and learn, the trouble is not lack thereof of knowledge, but the brain's ability in actually taking in loads of information at a given time. The age where I am now has a vast amount of resource that's immediately accessible once a person know how to use the internet. There has been a great improvement for social media platforms to serve as educational sites for the average joes. YouTube, for instance, has tons of how-to videos and online courses that are in most occasions, free.


Having realized this, the problem is actually me. My brain's ability to stay focused on one topic for an hour or for a day. I could start the day reading on bed and breakfasts places, list of workshops, daily musings of bloggers, and end up with an online lecture series on the Art of Living. It's not that I am a big fan of hoarding but the sentiment I go with is that I do not want to miss out on something I might find interesting.


This open-mindedness has somehow given my imagination the license to run free and escape my reality (i.e. being stuck in the house) 

The death of Maurice Sendak

Spike Jonze: Do you have any advice for young people?


Maurice Sendak: Quit this life as soon as possible. Get out, get out!


My brain just flew out. I watched a documentary on Maurice Sendak and he was surprisingly blunt. He woke up all my sleeping bones that I didn't knew existed. Here was a gay guy who knew what he wanted to do and he wanted to do more, only there is no time. And here I am, unable to figure out what I wanted to do and I'm not sitting down and taking as much time to really think about it. 


He is odd. Very odd. But I could easily relate to the isolation he puts himself in when he talks about his family and where he is now (he's missing a lot of people). 


"I am not earth shatteringly important." 


"We will all die. We will just become a memory."

Pressure drops to zero, or that's what I thought

"I'm not comparing myself to anyone." 


That's what I told my mother on my way home as we were discussing my future plans (i.e. a postgrad degree) and where I am with my life goals. It's always one of the things my mom likes to bring up each time I ride with her after work. The reason it has been brought up again is that my younger sister is officially starting her masters this month, under a fully paid scholarship at UP. 


It's not that I am slacking off, really. The main roadblock is that I haven't decided how to get to where I want to be five years from now or 10 years from now. 


The idea of being given a scholarship or a grant brings me a lot of endorphins but if it would be an MBA or MPP, I am not sure if this actually the kind of life I want to pursue. Going up the corporate ladder, being a domesticated-sitting addict, dealing with office politics daily, and trying to be one step ahead of everyone else. I don't think I want to get trapped in this kind of stress. 


Sometimes my mind is entirely divided into pursuing this business-minded path or this vocational path. My concern with this vocational path is that I am not entirely sure if I have the guts to completely alter my lifestyle and be broke all the time. This kind of lifestyle has already helped me escape the cages in life. I am able to travel when I want to, do things I would like to try, get out when my friends call me, and be in a different place altogether even if I am alone.

Everyday I think of being out there. Constantly in movement. Riding the great railway bazaar. Chancing upon hole-in-the-walls and meeting new people. But I don't have a clue where to start. Striking up a conversation is an entirely different roadblock. 


Vocational options:
If I take up journalism, it's too fast-paced to think and write, express with words and photos.
If I take up design or anything that seems utterly pretentious, I feel like I'd be going against my own beliefs on living with a more socially relevant purpose.
If I take up arts management, I would be overwhelmed with the excesses of life.


Got ideas for me?

Daily dose of hormones II

Kinfolk Dinner from FreePeople on Vimeo.

Stumbled upon a good poem today:


I want to fall in love in the city.
after sunsets. bar talk.
a spare key to his place to slip in after work.
to make dinner in his tiny kitchen.
my little bag of make up and toothpaste on your sink.

We'd take the subway during rush hour just to puzzle piece ourselves together.
We'd share every park like our backyard.

I'd embarrass you with tourist pictures of us.
peeling oranges with my fingers to feed you on street corners.
We’d stay outside just to watch people passing by.
I'd hold onto your hand anytime i want.
I'd warn you when we meet. I am a selfish lover.
I don't mean it the way you take it.
I mean I am selfish in expressing my romance.
I love quickly. with any number of things.
I laugh too loud. too often.
I share too much. too soon.
I want you here. then I don't.
I want to fall in love with you while crossing the street.
during the midnight movie.
when I stumble on uneven pavement.
weaving in and out of tourists in a hurry and bumping against you.
I want to fall in love with you as I stare at the tall tall buildings and fall in love with this city.


Via http://thatkindofwoman.tumblr.com/post/6405948078/i-want-to-fall-in-love-in-the-city-after-sunsets