I fell from the cloud

Last week I found out you really had someone although it never really occurred to me you'd be the kind to sit on a long term/serious relationship. It sucks really to actually write this down as if I've shamelessly professed my insatiable likeness to everyone who knows you and write this as my deathnote in accepting my own stupidity, naivety and senselessness. Did you know that I went up north last weekend after hearing the news and went to the weekly show you and your friends go to? I wanted to see it for myself. I wanted to see if you'd still remember me. But of course I didn't see you. I left early.

Since the last two years, I've always wondered if I will ever meet someone great and humble and just greater than the last relationship I've been through because really I need a chance. It ended badly to cut the long story short and somehow I need a chance to learn from my mistakes.

I'm such a sucker for love. I should be ashamed.

Ang bigat

Last month, there was an incident in the office where a bad email was sent to everybody and the attachment included highly sensitive information (i.e. salary of everybody in that office) and unfortunately few people had forwarded a copy of that email to their personal email accounts. Two nights ago, a close friend have been informed that one of our other close friends is one of these "few people" and whom we haven't talked to for quite a while. It's pretty heavy to hear that kind of news and you easily feel biased on the issue. I don't really know why she did what she did and I just wished that she didn't do it. The way she defended herself was by blaming other people and she couldn't admit or give up her pride and admit that she was curious and really looked into how much everybody else is getting paid for. I can't help but be biased. I would always have that impression that the next time she complains about her job or not getting paid enough and hoping to find another job (which she always do btw) has something to do with the fact that she'd been comparing her compensation to other people. It's a terrible situation.

great photographers and the stories they tell

Guillaume Gilbert

It's been a long time since I've looked at works of great street photographers/ photojournalists. With the whole instagram/fb trend, social media is just giving everybody a piece of their vanity and the meaning (or lack of it) serves itself only when the number of likes are high. I like that there are still a few who preserve the nostalgia of capturing moments. I still dream of being one of these people. If only I could save up some money to buy a real real camera.

Kosuke Okahara

OO NGA NAMAN

No Play

View outside office pantry - Solaris Building, June 10, 2013

I've been busy these days with work. So many things have happened in a span of a month and I don't think I could breathe from all the resignations from our counterpart's office. I don't really know how I am doing right now. I know I really wanted to bring in clients for my team to handle but it's just overwhelming. Doing everything to avoid fucking up is the pressure I haven't been handling well right now. I'd like to believe in what my mentor believes in. Even if these are tough times I'd also like to be hopeful that we would learn as a team and move forward in making our team visible in the Manila office and be recognized for a job well done.

I should be spending this weekend working but my heart isn't at peace. I've been watching these movies of old people (One last night at Eiga Sai with Chin and Karen - Dear Doctor, 2009 by Miwa Nishikawa, and the other is a documentary on Bill Cunningham) and these movies have given me so much wisdom about living with less. It has made me more or less miss my paternal grandparents whom I am very close to. What matters truly in life?