toxic city

I have been told that I am a sponge, probably a sponge of other people's secrets, but I cannot keep my own secrets to myself. My life has always been an open book, I love kiss and tell because I am happy with what I feel, and most of my friends know a lot of things to put me in blackmail.

Putting myself out there is making myself transparent to that marathon of emotions I keep running on even if I consider myself highly insensitive to expressing my own feelings. To cut the long story short, I hate my own guts.

Things are getting complicated right now and I want to end the game. Be over and done with. These toxic relationships are dragging me down. I haven't been thinking straight lately.

I have been thinking of you ever since I came back from Hongkong. Thoughts of how this started and however version I'd like it to be it just doesn't make sense. Did you really want to start like this when we first met in Fete? For the time that passed, did it change you? I feel bad that you're doing this to me. Lying to her with me, and I know eventually you'll lie to me with somebody else. These things just don't make sense to me.

Because I wanted things to be right. I want you to see me for me. Unfortunately, the odds are never in my favor.