Sometimes I miss being with somebody and think of how I am ready to be with somebody again. Unfortunately, when I eventually meet somebody, I turn out to be a totally different person and be crap.
I don't really know why this happens. I don't teally know how I become totally realistic about things and still be in love. It seems it doesn't come together. Or simply means I am not cut out to handle the drama that comes in every relationship. Somehow I beg to believe I am capable of being the stage girlfriend and be loved by his mother, his sister, his best friend, his kid, or even his lingering ex, and everybody else be hapoy that I am there.
I cannot being my old self back because my old self being in love isn't a pleasure to be around with. But rather an annoyance to the people who are realists and are experts in relationships.
My dreams of being part of making-the-world-a-better-place bandwagon is still here in my head and I just long to find my purpose and be out there but I also can't help the thing I will be missing out on: marriage. I have sacrificed so much to people I fell in love with, I gave them my everything and even with the first person NOBODY knew I loved, he would never fully understand why things are the way they are. What ifs are not my thing and this is how I choose to move on.
