I dont want you

Sincerely dont want you stop teasing i dont want get stuck don't want to get attached

I want you bad bad bad bad bad

http://youtu.be/_g19fCJotPc

But you're off limits

Think you can wait

The National live in Manila was super intense and amazing. I never saw this coming. I never expected that I would be able to watch this band I stumbled into back in 2008, six years ago. Back then I just lost my job my boyfriend cheated on me and their dark sad music kept me in solitude and less suicidal. I can't explain why. God bless all great musicians who share their passion and gift to the world. So much has changed. There's so much music playing. I think one of the things I will miss when I die is hearing all this great music. Is there music in heaven??

Gotta hit the endzone

No more high and dry. Its wearing me out. I can't get caught in this mess you're slowly making. I can already see how bad it looks far ahead. Stop with these words and these gestures and these booty calls. I cannot escape into your fantasy.  Especially if I know it is never going to be real. I have to use my head this time. Give me back my peace of mind. Leave me out. I'm not one of your girls, don't make me part of that list of girls you're screwing with. I'm sorry, I've always been interested but not like this. Too much is at stake here.

I hope stepping aside will be best for us. I always step aside anyway.

sparkplug

Its the 11th day of 2014 and I already feel like crap. I am exhausted, physically and mentally. I don't want to deal with my repressed emotions about the situation I am in. I hate to lash out my anger on everybody and I tend to be critical of everything. Maybe I'm just worrying too much.

I want to be hopeful this year but I feel dry. I usually look forward to new beginnings and fresh starts but probably the reason all this is blowing me over is that chapters aren't ending as peaceful as I'd like them to be.

I hope whatever decision lies ahead would make me become a better person and I hope I won't lose myself over shallow petty things.

Fruitcake

I need my real friends.

Heaven is a truck. It got stuck on a breeze

I went up the mountain. I went up on November 30, 2013. It was my real birthday. I always wondered what it feels like living inside a tent. No bathroom. No TV. No plug to charge all your phone into. Nothing to cook with but makeshift equipment brought by our guide. 

We kept walking and walking. I never got used to walking, especially when there's 15 litres on my back. We kept slipping and falling. I ended up being less afraid and tired to slip and fall on muddy tracks. We walked in the sun, in the rain. We walked under the bed of stars. I have never seen so many stars that day. I couldn't remember the last time I looked up and looked for the stars. I couldn't even remember the last time I wished upon them. Maybe it was the time I asked for forever and it didn't turn out that way.

I am happy to have done this. Climbing the mountain, seeing the sea of clouds and vastness of the earth. Plus the fact that I did this for myself. Climb up a tree on my birthday turned out to be climb a mountain on my fake birthday. I guess things do fall in time and what happens is something better than what we had imagined.